Swine Flu

10 Rules for a Happy Marriage

1. NEVER both be angry at the same time.
2. NEVER yell at each other unless the house is on fire
3. If ONE of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.
4. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.
5. NEVER bring up mistakes of the past.
6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
7. NEVER go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
8. At least once everyday try to say ONE complimentary thing to your partner.
9. When you have done something wrong, be ready to ADMIT and ask for forgiveness.
10. It takes TWO to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking.

Copy n paste

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.

He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman
who wasn't my wife !"

The audience was in silence and shock.

The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to
crack this very effective joke at home.

He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years
of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife !"

The wife went "ah!" with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the
joke, the manager finally blurted out " ... and I can't remember who
she
was !"

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital
bed nursing burns from boiling water.




Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

Reflection of the Bible Stories

A young boy had just got his driver's license and asked
his dad if they
could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "If
you bring your grades
up from C to B, study your Bible and get your hair cut
....then we'll talk
about you borrowing the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd
settle for the offer
and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I'm
really proud of you.
You've brought your grades up and I've been
watching you studying your
Bible. However, I'm a bit disappointed that you
haven't had your hair
cut."

The lad paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad,
I've been thinking
about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible
that Samson had
long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long
hair and there's
a strong argument that Jesus had long hair too.."

To which his father replied, "Did you also notice they
all walked
everywhere they went?"

The Stranger

This is very interesting and not the ending I had expected!!!!

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was
new to our small Texas town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with
this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger
was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In
my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors:
Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the
stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures,
mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the
answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict
the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh,
and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other
to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet.
(I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt
obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not
from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with
four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.
My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try
it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished.
He talked freely about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant,
sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by
the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was
seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family.
He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still,
if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over
in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his
pictures.

His name?.... . .

We just call him 'TV.'



He has a wife now living we us....We call her 'Computer.'